Bright shiny object syndrome (also just called shiny object syndrome) is a real thing. Very real. Even if it is not in they psychology books (yet — give it time). Anyone who works online knows that it is real. Anyone that has attention problems (including but not limited to people with ADHD).

The Personal Excellence blog defines it as:

It is the tendency for someone to chase something new, be it a new business idea, tool, or goal, rather than to stay focused on what they’re doing.

And for many of us, it is a part of our every day lives.

How It Affects Me

It’s not just about work. Although it is about work. Maybe if I didn’t have it, I wouldn’t find myself so constricted in the kind of work I’m able to do. It does limit me sometimes. Most of the time.

Ok, we’ll get into it in a bit. Here’s a list of the ways that bright shiny object syndrome affects me:

• Long-term goals are crazy hard to reach.
• If I think too far in the future I panic (like tomorrow).
• I have a lot of projects
• They are mostly unfinished
• I buy a lot of courses and start them and never finish them
• I get great ideas that never come to fruition
• People think I’m lazy.
• I think I’m lazy
• Facebook is always open
• I need to put my thoughts out there or I lose them (which is why Facebook is always open).
• I need to do something when my fingers aren’t moving on the keyboard (which is why I drink a lot of coffee/water — if I’m not reaching for something I get up from the keyboard and Lord only knows what will distract me then).
• New ideas are always better

This is just a short list. Should I go on? No, I’ve lost interest in the list. But I think you get the idea right?

Relationships Are Affected

Because I live 10 miles from town and I don’t really like being around people all the time (because it is super difficult for me to focus on more than one person at a time), a lot of my relationships are maintained through my phone — chat, text, social media, etc.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t still get distracted.

That meme above? It is funny as hell. But only because it is too true. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve answered a message or even a phone call in my head and got distracted before I actually answered it and later, truly believed that I actually answered it. Meanwhile, days have gone by and you, my dear friend that I really do appreciate, think that I’m ignoring you because I never responded to your last message.

I try really hard not to do that. But it happens. Likely even more than I think.

The other thing is that I find it really hard to maintain a conversation. I really do want to hear all about your ex and the douchy things they are doing and how much you hate him. I do. And I do care. But my brain often won’t let me focus for that long. And while you’re talking, I got a great idea for a new book (because you inspired me probably) or thought of a new way to monetize my blog or a new way to get people to my Patreon account. And I really want to tell you about it. But you’re not done talking so I try to focus on what you’re saying. But my brain is somewhere else already.

I’m sorry about that. I am. I’m working on it, I promise.

My Online Work Is All Over The Place

I know that key to being successful with any online business is consistency. Which means that anyone smart would pick one or two things to do and do the hell out of them. Be consistent. Put in the time. Give it your all.

Ya, I tried that. It kills me. Like literally makes me want to bang my head against a wall. Only one or two things. Booooorrrrrrinnnggg!

I need to have several things going at once. And I need my pace on each project to be a little slower. Because I only have limited time to work on stuff each day.

There have been times when I had so many projects going on that I completely forget about half of them. I used to own more than 50 domains! And I had content on all of them. The sites were rarely “finished” though and most often, they were neglected with weeks or months going before they were updated. So were any of them really successful? Not most.

Currently I am working on:

• books under my real name
• books under a pen name
• this Medium account
• a second Medium account
• my personal blog
• another blog for one of my pen names
• a social media course
• a romance writer’s course
• building up my freelance writing business again
• a Patreon account for my real name
• a Patreon account for my pen name

How much is getting done on each? Not enough to be successful at making a lot of money online. That’s how much.

I Am Trying To Change This All Though!

https://www.instagram.com/p/Br5i9y0DLFe/embed/?cr=1&rd=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.instagram.comListers gonna list!

I know that if I ever want to be able to work from home and be location independent I need to get some focus. I have to.

One of the things I am doing is trying to take care of my brain via diet. I’m on the keto diet (which eliminates sugar and carbs and preservatives and other food things that really mess with the way your mind works). I’m doing Bulletproof Coffee with MCT oil (which has been shown to possibly be helpful for people with ADHD so I figure it could likely be helpful for me) each morning (which reminds me that I forgot to make some today because it is my day off). I’ve been doing some reading and it seems like diet can really affect how your brain works.

I’m making lists. Lord, I am making so many lists! But I am actually using them now. Or trying really hard to.

Writing things down helps me remember them. So, the first thing I have to do is write it down. That in itself can be a challenge.

(Note to self: focus on finishing the damn article — no more Young Sheldon videos on Facebook!)

Honestly though, the lists help. Even when they aren’t right in front of me. But they help more when I do write them down and have them right beside me while I’m working. Then I just have to look at the list when I get distracted and I remember that I have other things to do but I have to finish what I’m working on first before I can move on to the next thing.

Also, lists inspire me because I like checking things off. There’s rarely a day when I get everything done. Because I put a lot of things on my lists. But because I like checking things off and it makes me feel productive to do it, I write down things like, get up, brush teeth, have a shower, eat, make the bed, call mom, go for coffee, etc. Because I’m pretty sure I’m going to do those things regardless of what else is on that list. And when I see that things are getting done — even if they are things normal people don’t have to write down — I feel more productive and it inspires me to get more done.

Finally, the last thing I’m doing to avoid the whole bright shiny object syndrome from taking over my life is trying to implement a routine in my life. I see people do this all the time. They get up at the same time every day. They have lunch at the same time. They make dinner at the same time. They even go to bed at the same time. I don’t know how they do it!

And it is hard to do for people that don’t work the same hours each day. I’m a waitress. I am lucky too be working only days. But some days I work at 6 am. Other days at 8 am. And yet other days at 11 am. That means a true schedule is pretty much impossible.

So, I improvised. I have a schedule for each type of day I work. I have a schedule for when I start at 6 am, 8 am, 11 am, and one for days off. The schedules exist. On paper even. I haven’t managed to stick to it yet though. But I am working on it?

Who Else Is Chasing The Pretty Squirrels?

I know I am not the only one out there. Especially among people who work online. I think that is part of the reason why the whole working online thing appeals to us. Because focus at a “real” job is pretty important. I know it is why waitressing is the only “real” job that has ever worked for me. When I’m serving tables, I have a lot to remember. But I only have to remember them for a few minutes and then they are done and I’m on to a new list of things I have to remember…for a few minutes anyway. Do I need to stay focused on creating that new spreadsheet to meet my 5 pm deadline. Nope. By the time my day is done, I’ve done a million things. Can’t remember what they were but the majority of them got done!

Anyway, I’d love to hear how others with bright shiny object syndrome get things done in their day. Leave me a comment please and share?

“Being wanted feeds the ego. Being valued feeds the soul.”

I don’t know if someone famous or important said this. I saw it on Facebook today and it just rang so true for me today.

It can apply to so many things. Friendships. Romantic relationships. Jobs. And all the stuff in between. And knowing whether you are valued or just wanted for whatever benefits you happen to bring to the table makes a big difference in how you see those relationships.

I have plenty of friends that I know want me in their lives. Because I listen. Because I help them when they need a hand with whatever (kids, moving, etc.). But the ones that truly value my friendship are few. I need less than one hand to count them. And I know that they value our friendship because when I’m with them or talking to them, they feed my soul. They make me feel good about myself and about us.

How Do You Know?

How do you know the difference between a person or business that wants you versus one that values you?

A person who WANTS you will call/message you often but only if it is convenient for them.

A person who VALUES you will make a point of contacting you even when they are busy just to let you know that they are thinking of you.

A person who WANTS you will see you in person when they have time.

A person who VALUES you will see you even if they don’t have much time. Just because being with you is a good thing to them.

A person who WANTS you will have specific needs for the time you spend together.

A person who VALUES you will spend time with you doing nothing.

A person who WANTS you will tell you that you need to call back later for whatever reason — no matter how much you need them.

A person who VALUES you will stop what they are doing when you truly need them.

A person who WANTS you will take whatever they can get from you.

A person who VALUES you doesn’t need to take all the time but will give back.

Reflection

I had certain perceptions of a couple relationships that I have in my life right now. But just writing this…I’ve realized that the people I thought valued me really just want me in their lives for what I add to the relationships.

I have had a marriage where I was valued. I know what that feels like. I’m not settling for anything less. Not in the long term.

I’ve just realized how incredibly temporary some of the relationships in my life really are.

It happens to everyone at some point in our lives — we get bored and we start looking for ways to have a more interesting life. For most people, their life is built on doing the same things every day. We have routines and structure. And those can be good at times — but not all the time. Sometime you just need to do something to make your life more interesting.

Not sure how to do that? Here’s 50 ways to have a more interesting life:

1. Get rid of your car. Most of us depend on our cars to get around but they aren’t usually necessary. Start taking public transportation. You’ll meet new people, you’ll be forced to slow down, and you’ll have more time to think. You might even find that you have more time to do things like reading!

2. Log off for a month. When was the last time you were not online? Do you remember? Unless you need to be online for work, try logging off for a month. You might not know what to do with yourself at first but after a few days you’ll start finding things to occupy yourself.

3. Have a conversation with a stranger. Strangers tend to have interesting stories. Talk to someone that you are sure that you’ll never see again and hear their story. It might inspire you.

4. Flirt with a stranger. Of course, you need to make sure you are in a safe environment but a little flirtation can be very exciting. Be subtle and end it if it gets out of hand.

5. Go out for a meal by yourself. Go to a restaurant you’ve never been to and order a meal. Don’t bring a book. Look around. People watch. Enjoy the taste of the food. Think.

6. Do something you said you’d never do. Everyone has things they have said they would never do. Is there something that you’ve said you wouldn’t do simply because you didn’t know about it? Break out of your comfort zone and try something unexpected of you.

7. Take a course. It doesn’t have to be a college course (but it can be). Take a course in cooking or photography or knitting. Just pick something and learn to do something new or learn about a new culture.

8. Join a club. When you join a club you’re forced to meet people you might not have met otherwise and you get to do something you like. It could be a book club, a scrapbooking club, or a walking club.

9. Get rid of the television. This is a big one for most people. What would you do if you didn’t have the television to occupy your mind? Would you read more? Would you go out more? Would you exercise more? Would you have more conversations with your family (or your pet)? You’ll never know until the television is gone!

10. Listen to a new kind of music for a week. Try pop, rap, opera, jazz, soul or something else entirely. Find out who the best musicians are in that genre, read about them and their music, and immerse yourself in a whole new musical world.

11. Get a penpal — a real one. Do you remember penpals? I had two when I was a kid. There are a few sites on the Internet where you can still find snail mail penpals. Get to know someone in a country where the Internet doesn’t rule their life!

12. Go to a sporting event you’ve never been to. If you normally go to hockey games, try football, tennis, polo, or something else that you’ve never tried before. Learn about the sport so that you can figure out what is going on. Or don’t learn about it and just get caught up in the excitement.

13. Eat a new kind of food. Food is meant to be enjoyed but people get bored when they eat the same food all the time. Try food from a different country that is cooked in a way that you’ve never tried before.

14. Write your biography and self-publish it. Everyone has a story. Write yours. Self-publish it. You never know — you might become famous!

15. Get a makeover. A new look always makes life more interesting. People stop and look and compliment you. The more drastic your new look the more interesting it is likely to make your life.

16. Wear something that is not your style. We tend to get stuck wearing the same kinds of clothing we always wear, day in and day out. If you only wear jeans, put on a dress. If you always dress up, try dressing down.

17. Try a new sport and master it. You don’t have to become a professional. Just get as good at it as you possibly can.

18. Train for a marathon. Does that scare you? Good! Figure out how to do it and make a plan and then put that plan into action. Marathon running not your thing? Try distance walking or a 24 hour dance-a-thon.

19. Have a party. Unless this is the kind of thing you do every weekend a party will always shake things up. Invite people you don’t normally invite and let each guest bring a friend. You’ll meet new people and have a good time.

20. Test drive a fancy car. There’s nothing like getting behind the wheel of a fancy sports car. Pretend it is yours and enjoy.

21. Go house hunting. Have fun pretending to be looking for a house and go look at homes that are way beyond your budget.

22. Learn to cook a new dish. Even if you’re not a cook on a regular basis learn to cook something new and do it really well. Then have a few friends over and amaze them with your culinary skills.

23. Get a pet if you don’t have one. Pets are awesome. If you don’t have one, give a pet a home. And don’t just go for the easy goldfish. Get something you can get attached to or something interesting like an iguana.

24. Start a fundraiser. What charity are you passionate about. Take part in a fundraiser to help make someone’s life better.

25. Get a new job. Unless you really love your job, get a new one.

26. Move to a new city or even a new country. Discover a new life or a new culture.

27. Make friends with someone that is not someone you’d normally be friends with.

28. Drastically cut your budget. Cut your budget down as low as you dare to go. How little could you live on? You’ll discover how much “stuff” really means to you and you’ll be forced to entertain yourself more creatively while not spending money.

29. Speak only the truth for a day.

30. Call your high school BFF. That’s bound to be an interesting conversation. Or maybe it won’t be.

31. Try painting (or another art form).

32. Volunteer. When you are helping other people you don’t have time to think about yourself. Get immersed in something that will be beneficial to others.

33. Enter a contest. Competition is fun and it definitely makes life more interesting.

34. Read a different kind of book. If you normally read romance, try a historical novel, a biography, or true crime.

35. Start a blog. If you’re not already a blogger, try it. It is strangely addictive and you get to connect with really interesting people.

36. Join Toastmasters. Public speaking is not everyone’s cup of tea but the more you do it the better you get!

37. Live your day backwards. Get up and eat supper, lunch, and then breakfast. What else could you do in the wrong order? Have your shower in the morning if you normally have it at night, exercise at night if you normally exercise in the morning.

38. Start a side business. What do you love to do? Grow flowers? Read? Dance? Find a way to make money doing something you love and start a side business. You never know — it might lead to a whole new career!

39. Sell everything you own and start from scratch.

40. Perform in public as a busker. Put out a hat and sing, dance, play the guitar, or recite poetry. Just be careful that you are not performing in a no busker zone. Either that or be ready to run if the police come along!

41. Try to discover a new thing to love about your hometown.

42. Take pictures of everything and anything. You never know what you are going to catch pictures of and when you look through them you’ll have a kind of photo-diary of your life.

43. Go on a blind date. I know, you hate them. But take a chance. What are you going to do instead? Watch more television?

44. Get out a map, close your eyes, and point. You can point far from home or close to home but go visit the nearest town, lake, or attraction to where your finger landed.

45. Create an ongoing bucket list. Start that bucket list and keep it with you. Add to it whenever you come across something you’d like to do. Cross things off as you accomplish them. You’ll be reminded of all the interesting things you have done.

46. Teach something. Everyone is good at something. So teach someone how to do whatever it is that you are good at.

47. Pay it forward. Do something nice for someone and then ask them to pay it forward.

48. Sleep naked. Or if you normally sleep naked, sleep fully clothed.

49. Learn to use new technology. There are so many cool new technological gadgets being created every day. Learn how to use something new.

50. Stop doing things you hate to do. It will leave you with more time to do the things you love to do.

What is your biggest complaint as an author? Is it the piddly sales? Maybe for a few of you but for most of us the money isn’t the reason we write, is it? Is it sitting for hours while you pour your heart out onto the pages? Not likely. We don’t even need readers because writing is something we do because we must — not for the fame and fortune?

If you’re like most writers, you likely have one challenge in common with the rest of us — distractions!

Personally, I can’t write if I have the internet available. I can’t resist logging in to Facebook to make a post on my author page or scrolling through Instagram to see what my author friends have posted — or to see how many of them like my last post.

Sometimes there is even a good reason to go online. I might need to research an important fact for my book or come up with a good name for that creepy guy that is spying on the main character’s date.

Unfortunately, once I open up that browser, my focus is gone. It’s history. Focus is something that doesn’t exist if I go online.

That’s why the Alphasmart Neo is my best writing tool.

No Internet, No Distractions

The Alphasmart is a word processor from the late 1990s and early 2000s. They are not even manufactured anymore. 2013 was the year they stopped making these wonderful little tools that writers around the world love and hoard (yes, writers that love the Alphasmart are known to buy several of them in case their main machine breaks down because once the functioning Alphasmarts are gone, there is no more).

Although the Alphasmart Neo can not access the internet there are many things that it can do including:

• run for up to a full year using only three AA batteries
• power on/off instantaneously
• store your words even if the batteries die
• stores your letters the second that you type them into the keyboard
• show you your word count
• change the font you see on the screen
• move the cursor up and down on the screen so you can change what you wrote (although I believe in writing first, editing later so I rarely use that feature)
• connect to your computer so you can transfer your words to the document of your choice.

Ultra-portable

Another thing that I love about the Alphasmart Neo is that it can go anywhere. It’s super light and can fit in a large purse or a tote bag.Because you don’t need a cord (some have a cord but batteries are fine for most versions of the Alphasmart), you don’t need to be connected to an electrical outlet.

Always wanted to travel and write? Get an Alphasmart. You can take it camping with you and take it to the beach or write by the fire. Upload your work to your computer when you get home or when you get to a town with a library or internet cafe.

Like to write while you are in the car (and someone else is driving of course)? A laptop table and your Alphasmart will let you do that. Because there’s only a tiny little window, you don’t have to worry about sun glare on the screen and it won’t overheat while it is on your lap.

Take it to the park, a cafe, or anywhere else you want. The Alphasmart Neo will go anywhere.

Easy Uploads

The Alphasmart Neo makes it easy to transfer your work to your computer.

Here’s how to transfer:

1. Open the file you wish to transfer from your Alphasmart Neo.
2. Open a document on your computer (Word, Google Docs, text files — even a Facebook post!).
3. Connect the cable cord from the Alphasmart to a USB port on your computer.
4. See the message appear on your Alphasmart screen that says it is ready to transfer. Hit “Send” and watch the words appear on your open document.

That’s all there is to it. Don’t forget to save the document on your computer though!

Once you’re done transferring your work to your computer, you can either leave your file on your Alphasmart or delete it. I like to delete it once it has been transferred because then I can start fresh the next time I go to use my Alphasmart. Many of these devices are very old so I don’t want to risk losing my work. That’s why I transfer each day’s work and start fresh the following day.

Where Can I Buy One?

If you’re convinced and can’t wait to see if it will increase your productivity by eliminating internet distractions you can fine the Alphasmart Neo online. The two best places to find them are on Amazon or on eBay.Make sure that you get the one you want though because there are different types of Alphasmart devices.

The Alphasmart Neo is the one I love but there is also the Alphasmart Dana, Alphasmart 2000, Alphasmart 3000 and the Alphasmart Neo 2.

How much will one of these miracle word processors cost you? They range in price from $20 up to around $50.

And that leads me to the first life lesson from the front of the house…

#1 Attitude Is Everything

This is what I tell new servers that I train: you don’t need to be the best server in the world to make good money or to be happy in your job — you just need to have a good attitude. You’re going to screw up (and not just while you’re learning the job — all the time) but if you have a good attitude, apologize to the customer with a smile, do what you can to make it up to them, they’ll be fine and they will still walk away with a good experience. If you make excuses and blame others, frown, or get snippy with them, how they feel will be reflected in your tip.

Having a good attitude can help you in other ways on your job. You’re going to work with people you don’t like, or maybe just don’t like you. You’re going to deal with cranky people (both customers and co-workers). Who knows — maybe they are just having a bad day or maybe they are dealing with some life stuff? So, when you come across these people, don’t absorb their feelings and emotions and actions — respond with love, kindness, humor, and a smile. It may or may not help them adjust their own attitude but it will make you feel better in the long run.

This lesson from the front of the house can apply in almost all areas of your life. If you have a good attitude, others will be more likely to respond positively to you. It’s hard to be mean or cranky towards someone who smiles and laughs.

#2 Be Accountable

When you screw up, it is tempting to make excuses or find a way to blame it on someone else so you don’t look so bad. But a lot of the time that will come back to bite you in the end. It’s better to just take responsibility for the mess and find a way to fix it.

You may need to be accountable to your customers or your managers. If either of them catch you in a screw up, it’s better to own up to it. If it is your boss, apologize and then suggest some ways that you could avoid doing the same thing in the future to show them that you take the issue seriously. If it is a customer, apologize and find a way to make up for your mistake.

#3 Be Forgiving

There are going to be days when you work with someone that forgets things or is getting in your way or they just don’t seem to have their head screwed on right. For the most part, it is likely that they are just having a bad day. Remember that you’re going to have bad days to and if you want your co-workers to be sympathetic when you have them you’d better take it easy on them when they are having a rough day.

You may also work with a new server that just can’t figure out how to do the job. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Let’s be real — remembering 500 things at once while smiling doesn’t come naturally to anyone. Instead of getting annoyed with them, help them out by teaching them some of your tricks for keeping it together. Be a mentor to them and they may soon be as good as you at the job!

#4 We ALL Have Bad Days

Each and everyone of us have bad days. That includes customers. If you work in a big restaurant, you might not get to know all of your customers so you don’t know what their temperament is like most of the time. A customer that comes across as being rude might have had a recent death in the family, be going through a divorce, have a baby that kept them up all night or a variety of other factors that could cause them to be cranky. It happens to all of us.

The next time you have a customer that is cranky or rude, try giving them extra attention and be especially kind to them. You’d be amazed at how their attitude can change.

#5 You Can Catch More Flies With Honey

If your mother didn’t tell you this — well, let’s face it, she did. If you don’t remember, you weren’t listening. So, listen to me now.

No matter what you do in life, you will get more out of it by being nice than by being snarky, rude, condescending, or just plain mean. Want those extra days off? Then be nice to your boss. Pick up shifts when she asks you to. Do her a favor. Do your co-workers a favor and they are much more likely to cover a shift for you. Put a little more hustle in your step and a smile on your face and your customers are going to be nicer and leave bigger tips.

Want your friends to help you move? They aren’t going to be there for you if you haven’t been there for them.

There’s nothing wrong with being nice. Some people say that makes you an “butt kisser”. But you know what? People can call me a butt kisser all they want when I get the days off that I want and customers tip me and the kitchen is willing to rush my food order because I spazzed out and walked around with an order in my pocket for 10 minutes. That’s just fine by me!

If you’ve never had a planner specifically for your writing and you’re interested in trying it out, there are two types of planners I would suggest. Both of them allow you to track and be creative at the same time.

#1 The Bullet Journal

The bullet journal is about “the art of intentional living,” according to its creator, Ryder Caroll. The only two things you need to implement this planning system is a pen and a notebook. You can use any notebook you like. There are many who get creative with their bullet journals by using colored markers or pencils, stickers, and even paint; however, those little extras a not by any means necessary.

Some of the things that are typically included in bullet journals include:

• Index — a list of the pages and collections in your planner
• Future Log — dated entries that are outside the current month
• Monthly Log — dated entries that include a calendar and tasks
• Rapid Logging — quick thoughts and tasks and events in bullet form
• Signifiers — symbols that indicate if it is an event, appointment, deadline, or even just a note
• Collections — focused information about a specific event or topic
• Trackers — to track things that you do on a regular basis

You can get as creative as you want. This is a page from my bullet journal:

There are many ways that writers can use a bullet journal to keep them on track. In the past I have used some of the following features in my writer’s bullet journal:

• Character outlines
• Plot points
• Summaries of scenes
• Word tracker
• Notes on the craft of writing
• Lists of useful websites
• Notes on conversations I’ve had with other writers

This video gives you a basic tutorial of how the bullet journal works:

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#2 The Happy Planner

If you’re not so good at keeping up with the bullet journal, the Happy Planner might the be right system for your writer’s planner. The months and weekly pages are all set up for you. It’s attractive and functional and there are a wide variety of options to choose from. You can choose different sizes and layouts and you can modify your planner to suit your interest. If you have a Create 365 Happy Planner hole punch, you can even add in your own pages.

You may choose a Happy Planner system that implements your writing plans along with other daily events or you may choose to have an entire planner dedicated to only your writing. it depends on how much information about your writing you want to include in your planner. Whichever option you choose, the Happy Planner can be a lot of fun and can help you stay focused on what is important.

If you want to keep to the basics — things like words written, deadlines, and goals, the monthly calendar at the beginning of each month of a Happy Planner is ideal. It’s a basic calendar with space for some goals.

If you want to get a little more detailed, pick up a Happy Planner with a dashboard layout. There are many options and you can find one you might like on Amazon or on the official Happy Planner site.

The Happy Planner dashboard layouts are perfect when you need a little more flexibility. I have been using a Happy Planner for a few months, but I decided that I wanted to have more space that the monthly calendar for details that would help me get more focused on my writing. I chose the “Choose to Shine” Happy Planner (see below) because it has space for goals, trackers, to do lists, and notes that will give me the space to create my best writer’s planner.

One note about both Happy Planners and bullet journals — if you go on social media you will think that they are more about stickers and highlighters and washi tape than anything else. They do not have to be that way though. If you like that sort of thing, that’s great; however if you are just looking for something that is functional and helps you become more productive in your writing path, don’t feel that you need to use them.

There are many different ways that you can plan. The travellers’ notebook, the Erin Condren system, or if you can’t make up your mind, maybe the frankenplanner — a combination of different planning systems — is right for you!

So stop beating yourself up. Because that doesn’t help.

But what does help? What is going to stop you from thinking all of those horrid thoughts? Imagining all those gruesome scenes in your head?

If you need help figuring out how to not kill your teenager, you’re in the right place.

What Qualifies Me to Advise Anyone on how to not kill their teenagers?

***Ya, let’s call this a disclaimer, ok?***

Well, nothing special really. Who is really qualified to give this kind of advice?

Only someone that has been there, done that. And I have.

I have two teenagers. A boy and a girl. The girl is almost 19 (as I stop typing for a moment to give silent thanks) and she is still alive. The boy is 16. The jury is still out but I think he’ll make it to his 18th birthday, too.

I’ve been through all the “normal” teen stuff and then some.

For example, I’ve been through:

• backtalk
• skipping school
• won’t get up in the morning
• breaking curfew
• lying
• smoking
• drugs
• running away
• teen pregnancy
• …and more!

Now, I’m not going to tell you that I’ve done the right thing every time because I’m pretty sure I haven’t. So don’t mistake this article for a “how to raise your teenager right” type of thing. It’s not. I’m just going to try to give you some advice on how to not kill your teenager and how to make it out alive yourself.

Just so we’re clear on that.

Get a Lock on Your Bedroom Door

I know this sounds horrible but you need to keep those teenagers safe and you need to keep yourself sane and sometimes the only way to do that is to get away from them. And I’m telling you, teenagers are like bees — they will hover around your head buzzing in your ears until you feel like something is going to explode.

So, before it is your head — or theirs — go! Go into your room and lock that door. And make sure it is a good lock because I am not lying to you when I tell you that my daughter has picked a lock just to continue a fight! And get a good door while you’re at it. Something they can’t kick holes in. Yes, we have had doors with holes at the bottom.

And another reason to lock your door is to protect your stuff. Not all teenagers will steal big bad things like prescription drugs but pretty much every teenager goes snooping through your dresser drawers and in your closet while you’re at work or at the grocery store. Ya, they do. Where do you think they found the condoms that they were using as water balloons to throw at the neighbors’ dog? Ya, you’re missing some.

So get a big ol’ lock for your bedroom door and make sure you are the only one with the key!

5 Special Words to prevent death by arguing

I went to a program once called the Parent Intervention Program (PIP) that was taught at the local Addictions Foundation for Youth chapter. It was pretty awesome. I mean, not awesome that I had to be there because the fact that I had to be there put some pretty murderous thoughts in my head, you know. But it had some great information.

Now, if you have teenagers, you already know that they can argue like a politician at his last debate. And they love it. They should make it a high school sport. Oh ya, it is — the debate club! But calling it the debate club makes it so uncool. If they would just call it the arguing club they’d get a lot better turn out.

Anyway, ya — they love to argue. They love it so much that you will never win. You might think that you have won a few but you didn’t. They just got bored. Or their favorite show was coming on so they had to leave the room. Or they wanted something from you on the weekend so they decided to give you this one.

You won’t win.

But that doesn’t mean they will give in easily. If they are in the right frame of mind they might go all night long and the next thing you know you’ll be on the way to work in the morning but they’ll just continue it via text. It’s not done until they decide it is done.

You need to remember this very important thing though:

It takes TWO to argue!

And if you don’t argue they can’t win and you get peace and quiet!

How do you not argue? Simple — remember these 5 words:

1. Yes
2. No
3. Wow
4. Ok
5. Whatever

Memorize them, use them, and you WILL love them!

What do you do with them? You answer everything single thing they say with one of those words. EVERY SINGLE THING THEY SAY!

It will drive them nuts. And eventually, they will give up and walk away.

And yes, it is as amusing as heck!

Imagine this:

Teenager: Mom can I have $50 to go to the movies?

Mom: No

Teenager: Awe — but Billy get’s $50 from his mom every day almost.

Mom: Whatever

Teenager: I promise, I’ll mow the lawn and clean my room and stay in all weekend.

Mom: Wow

Teenager: Does that mean I can have $50?

Mom: No

Teenager: What? That’s not fair! I hate you!

Mom: Ok

Teenager: Ok, I can have the money you mean?

Mom: No

Teenager runs from the room pulling hair and mumbling under breath.

Now you tell me — isn’t that better than having to lock yourself in your room?

Get an iPod or mp3 Player and wear it all the time

Yes, just like they do.

Most teenagers are attached to two things — their phones and their music player. You never see them without them. I think my teens have their earphones stuck in their ears because I haven’t seen either of them without them in years.

So here is what you do. You wear it all the time. ALL the time (so get comfortable earphones!).

When they are nice and speak to you without that tone (and you know what tone I mean), hear them and respond. When they start using that tone, turn the sound on and start bopping around. Even if you can hear them, do not respond. If they start to yell to be heard — SING! The worse your singing voice is the better.

Now, I have to warn you, they are going to try to get in your line of vision. So you’re going to have to dance. I meant it — dance like Michael Jackson and sing loudly. If they grab at your arm, sing louder and dance wilder. Get some major hip thrusts in there. Heck — grab things! Nothing like a good old MJ crotch grab to make your teenager back off really fast!

Eventually, they will figure out that if they talk nicely, you hear them. If they don’t…

…well, they won’t like what happens.

And throughout the next 6 years when I was promoted 5 more times I heard the same thing.

When the office I worked in closed down and I was offered a higher paying job with benefits and fabulous hours only 3 days later (without even putting in a resume) lots of people told me I was so lucky.

When I quit my job to work for myself full time people in real life and online line repeated that thought: “You’re so lucky”!

And when I was in university and aced all my essay exams fellow students thought that luck had something to do with that.

I AM NOT LUCKY!

I get upset when people call me lucky because to insinuate that luck has anything to do with the successes I’ve had is to ignore the fact that I’ve worked so hard to achieve those things.

According to Dictionary.com luck is:

–noun

1. the force that seems to operate for good or ill in a person’s life, as in shaping circumstances, events, or opportunities: With my luck I’ll probably get pneumonia.

2. good fortune; advantage or success, considered as the result of chance: He had no luck finding work.

3. a combination of circumstances, events, etc., operating by chance to bring good or ill to a person: She’s had nothing but bad luck all year.

4. some object on which good fortune is supposed to depend: This rabbit’s foot is my luck.

Do you notice some of the key words there? Chance, a force, circumstances.

Luck is what happens when you get a job because you know someone, even though you don’t have the skills to do the job yet. Luck is what happens when you put no work into an essay exam and still ace it. Luck is what happens when they pull your name out of a hat to decide who gets the promotion.

I did not use luck to achieve my successes.

• I had a good work ethic.
• I made it clear that I had goals and wanted to reach them.
• I spent time thinking about how to reach them.
• I studied.
• I made it a point to learn how to write an essay exam properly.
• I networked.
• I displayed skills, knowledge, and thinking abilities.

My abilities and my hard work are what helped me reach the successes I have had.

Yes, I do sit on the computer playing Farmville and laughing at LOL cats some nights. But a lot of my “non-working” time online is spent learning things. It is spent asking questions, finding sites that can help me, making connections with people that I can learn from. I’m not “working” but I’m working at being more prepared to work.

Luck is something that is out there in the universe — I do believe that.

But calling someone lucky when their successes are a direct result of their hard work is just rude.

So, please, don’t call me lucky!

(But you CAN call me “available for hire” if you’re looking for a writer or a social media assistant! I am currently accepting new clients. Check out my site.)